Entries Tagged 'amusements' ↓

graaaiiiiins

vz.jpg

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit
more and shouted, ‘Excuse me, can you help me? I
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I
don’t know where I am.’

The woman below replied, ‘You’re in a hot air
balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground.
You’re between
40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60
degrees west longitude.’

‘You must be in Information Technology,’ said the
balloonist.

‘I am,’ replied the woman, ‘How did you
know?’

‘Well,’ answered the balloonist, everything you
told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to
make of your information and the fact is I’m still
lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If
anything, you’ve delayed my trip.’

The woman below responded, ‘You must be in
Management.’

‘I am,’ replied the balloonist, ‘but how did
you know?’

‘Well,’ said the woman, ‘you don’t know
where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to
where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You
made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and
you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The
fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.’

Researchers at the University of Hertfordshire asked 100 people aged between 22 and 45, who went on three-minute speed dates, the best opening lines they heard. The winning lines? ‘What is your favourite pizza topping?’ and ‘Who would you be if you were going on Stars In Your Eyes?’ These give the other person the chance to respond in a light-hearted way. The worst lines? ‘I have a PhD in computing and, ‘My best friend is a helicopter pilot.’

the paperclip

“Never, btw (which, unlike ‘poststructuralism,’ is a word in Word
spellcheck), ask that androgynous paper clip anything. S/he is
just a stooge for management, leading you down more rabbit holes
of options for things called Wizards, Macros, Templates, and
Cascading Style Sheets.”

- Louis Menand, commenting on Microsoft Word, in the New Yorker
article “The End Matter” (October 6, 2003).

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Junior Neuroscientists’ Kit

trepanation

“Sometimes I just stay up and go, ‘Hey, I’m not going to sleep tonight.”

- Avril Lavigne

brainstem! brainstem!

Pinky and the Brain describe the parts of the brain.